Musings

As I sit in bed, half on Pinterest and half on FB awaiting OT to begin, I was thinking…

Nothing makes me happier right before I go to sleep than browsing Pinterest.

Then it upset me that reading a good book no longer fits that category.

Goal: Get a library card this summer!

I was also thinking of something that is completely unrelated to the above statement, and it is: Someday, you’ll be in a situation that will make you realize why things in the past didn’t work. Four years ago today, I met my reason.

That is all. My profound thoughts are losing steam…

Cheers

From 4 to 3

Things have been pretty crazy for awhile now.

I took a leap of faith awhile go, trying something new in hopes of reaching career advancement a little faster. Unfortunately, I learned quickly that it was not the best fit and thankfully was able to go back to what made me happy. But at the same time I chose keep my commitments because that was the right thing to do.

It’s been killing me.

I’ve been juggling 4 jobs for the past 3 months and for awhile I thought it was just a good character building challenge. I’m sure a few people tried to point out to me that I’m crazy, but my stubborness refused to hear that.

I caved.

It took awhile to come to the realization that so many other aspects of my life have been impacted from this incessant working.

I had an early dismissal from school earlier this week–what, time to myself? It was amazing. What did I do? Work for one job and did schoolwork. Sigh.

This lead to more thoughts about what I’m really doing. I’m behind in my schoolwork, as always (yes I realize the irony of blogging after admitting I’m behind). Each week I fill up my SUV with gas at least 3 times at $50 each, traveling from E Hartford to Wolcott to Holyoke then back home. Classes at HCC haven’t even started when this thought was provoked. Traveling from my day to evening job took minimum 90 minutes with another 40 minutes commute home. And for what? Why am I stressing myself so much and essentially paying to work?

To do the right thing.

But in exchange to doing the right thing, should I have to wrong myself?

It dawned on me: Absolutely not.

After a sleepless night, I realized what I had to do. I needed to systematically decrease the amount of time I spent traveling and working.

So, step 1. Leave the job that’s costing me money.

Despite the anxiety and the contradiction of doing what’s right, I knew I had to. It’s what was right by me. So officially on President’s day, I will be done with my in-home job. After telling those who needed to know, it was liberating and felt like the world was off my shoulders.

Amazing since this is step 1, yes?

Yes.

Cheers ~

T

Welcome, 2013

I woke up chilled to the bone from the awful dream I had. I know that’s all it was – a dream – but when it involves losing what’s most important to you, it’s hard to just shake it off. Even when I went to DD to get a coffee I felt a social anxiety, because the dream was still so fresh. I guess it’s just one of those things that makes you feel thankful for what you do have – I’m thankful that I woke up from the dream with Bruin at my feet, snoring away.

My last post mentioned a few things I’d like to see in the new year. I don’t know if it’s truly what I’d like or if I’m just giving into the pressure of starting new and creating goals. I know it’s important to work on yourself, but at the same time I think that’s a lifelong learning process and not necessarily one that just starts over every January 1st.

Yes, getting healthier is one thing I know I want. The best part is I know exactly what to do and what works for me – it’s just actually *doing* it is the challenge. I will. That monthly gym fee is enough to start kicking my butt now that I’ve got a car payment! 

So I don’t really want much from 2013. Health is great, if we don’t have that then what do we have?

I look forward to going back to school, and the new semesters that await. GC goes back Monday, UNT the 14th and HCC at the end of the month. It will bring more structure and continuity to my days which keep me focused. The busier I am, the more I get done. The more organized I am and the better I feel. I love breaks but my personality just collides with a lack of schedule.

Ridiculous.

The icicles from the house are melting and falling – it sounds like someone is walking around and breaking things. I look forward to more snow. Honestly, I would love another winter like 2 years ago when we got a foot of snow every other day. Yeah, I know it will mean lots of days to make up at the end of the year, but we have summer school anyway so it’s not a big deal – to me. 😉

I’m going to get a glass of water with a lemon instead of diet coke – a healthier choice!

Enjoy the day, stay warm, and watch out for icicles.

Cheers,

T

Ideas for the upcoming new year

I’m sitting here in my pjs at 1:30 in the afternoon on a Friday with a cold nose and trying to figure out the rest of my day. It’s the first day on my vacation that I’ve truly had to myself and I’m trying to just veg and enjoy. Well… I’m not very good at that.

So instead I’m starting to think about the new year and what that will bring. I’m excited that it will be 2013 because 13 is my favorite number. Silly, I know. But it’s cool to experience that, ya know? Sometimes it’s the little things…

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to start a blog called “What’s Bruin doin?” It will be from his perspective, almost like what we see in “Text from Dog.” Tim and I already narrate his life, so I think it will be easy to get it rolling. I’ve been posting pictures of him on pinterest (on the pug board,of course) and they get repinned constantly. I bet I can make him famous!

In addition, I’ve got the stereotypical resolution of eating better, going back to the gym, bladitty blah blah. Three years ago was when I delved into WW the first time and took off the ugly weight I used to carry. I haven’t gained it all back – probably about 10-15 lbs, but I want them gone. I have jeans that don’t fit anymore that I want to fit! So I’m going to check out WW’s new 360 plan and delve back into that.

I’m excited that I have an on ground class at Goodwin in the spring, and I’ll only be at HCC one night a week instead of two. My GC class is on Saturdays which means that I get the best students. 🙂 My goal for the HCC course is to revamp all my teaching materials because I know the course can be more than I’ve given in the past.

Lastly (at least for now) – I’d really like to get back into make jewelry. I have all the materials and should use them! Ash suggested I run an etsy business which has been at the back of my mind for almost 5 years now. So perhaps in my “free time” (hardee har har) that can be something I consider pursuing.

In all honesty, I think this semester will be calmer than the fall and easier to deal with. Instead of 4 jobs, I’ll be down to 3, and that “free time” can hopefully be dedicated more to me. We shall see.

So, I’m ready for 2013. A fresh start.

Who’s ready for snow?

Cheers,

T

Christmas cheer?

Another holiday season has been upon us for weeks now, and I swear I was looking forward to it. We got our tree early, as last weekend was dedicated to the memorial service and this weekend seemed too late. Tim built a beautiful mantle for our “fireplace” and the stocks are hung, awaiting to receive the traditional gifts from both sides of our families.

Even Bruin was sporting his much too small Santa suit, shaking the hood off each time we fixed it.

I’m not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s the recent life we celebrated last weekend. The event from Friday didn’t help.

Could it be something so simple of lack of snow? Not having shopped at all, for anyone? I just don’t feel “merry.” Hopefully this week at school will help. Nothing is better for the heart than being around children this time of year.

Of course John is on my mind. There’s just something so odd about thinking about our family and how he’s still not here. It’ll be 10 years in March and still, going to the family gatherings pulls at the heart strings. I bet he’s proud of the beer pong tradition at Christmas that I started on the Nixon side.

A friend mentioned the idea of having a “Medium party” and my ears perked up. I’m thinking after the holidays. I’d like to know what he’s up to.

So my goal for this week is to be less of a grinch. After dinner, I’m going to make some Christmas cookies for my students at HCC to have during their final and enjoy some Riesling by the “fireplace.” And hopefully by Wednesday I can start some Christmas shopping.

The party is this coming Friday, so if nothing else, the red and green jello shots will help!

Cheers,

T

Missing my easy z’s

I don’t know how mothers do it.

I’m guessing that mothers have special wiring in their heads to be able to fall asleep.

Well, either that, or are so sleep deprived that there’s no thinking involved… 😉

I’ve been up the past few nights thinking about other people’s kids. To make that sound a little less creepy, it’s the kids I work with. I feel like I can’t turn my brain off. It just makes me wonder… how do moms do it?

I think about my friends and family members – hell, my own mom – and just feel a larger sense of respect. It’s really amazing what you gals do, and you don’t get paid for it! Granted, I know I don’t get paid for my tossing and turning, but the rest of my day is fair game.

This whole rambling is true insight to the things that pass through my mind as I’m trying to fall asleep.

I haven’t had this problem in a long while. Much of it can probably be attributed to the billion things I’m trying to work out, I’m sure.

Part of it is the JDRF walk. My father, being the stubborn guy that he is, refuses to support the notion because it’s “not his fight anymore.” I reply, “What if you have a grandchild with Juvenile diabetes?” Smartass reply: “I don’t have any grandkids.” Yeah, you’re right.  So what if what we’re doing doesn’t change the past (if only it did) – it sure as hell can change the future.

And it doesn’t change the fact that diabetes runs in our family. So far, another generation has already been afflicted. And why? Our biology! It’s only fair that we fight the good fight while we can.

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The walk is always a challenging day. I have to do my damnedest to find that delicate balance between keeping my cool and showing genuine appreciation to those who donate their time and resources to such an important cause. That appreciation is difficult without emotion.

So, perhaps after the walk my Zzzzzz’s will come easier. Tomorrow I’ll start the shirts… and perhaps be accompanied with some Jet’s Red.

Would love your support on the team –

http://www2.jdrf.org/site/TR/Walk-CT/Chapter-NorthCentralCTandWesternMA4090?team_id=53696&pg=team&fr_id=1843

Cheers,

T

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Rambling leaving the brain…

Spending as much time in the car as I do (seriously, since Monday, it’s been about 550 miles) – my mind wanders. Perhaps it’s not such a great thing and may be considered distracted driving, but it does help lead me to various conclusions when I’m undecided about something or just cool me off after a hard day.

Or to justify why the lecture I just gave went from bio to conditioning to evolutionary psych.

I’ve been thinking about my recent decision to change my path since the school year started, and am doing my best to give this choice a college try. Each time I think I’ve gotten ahead, it’s not the case. Is it a sign, or is it a challenge? I’m not sure yet.

Not to mention, I’ve been thinking about things I used to do for pleasure but have lost touch with. Like writing. Hence the blog – it’s a start, no?

(I don’t count emails as writing.)

Guitar. Making jewelry. Taking Bruin to the Bark Park for hours at a time. Reading! Walking down to the water…

I guess the good thing is I’ve got the time to do those things now. I’m not seeing it that way yet, but hopefully something positive will come out of it.

It’s bugging me that I gave up something I love so much for … well, as it’s turning out thus far, nothing.

While I’m rambling, I need to get my caboose to the gym. I got home earlier than expected this evening and took Bru for a walk, but haven’t made it to the gym in over a week. I have no idea how to motivate myself.

Anyway, I need a beer.

Cheers –

T